I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
