Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
