Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
