Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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