dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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