marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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