idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm at about main and main street
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
