Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
