last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
my penis made a compromise with my morals
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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