Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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