He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
