im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
