why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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