She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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