so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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