I showed him my bush... on skype.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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