Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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