Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
