That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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