Your dad touched me again.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
