Can i not drive my cunt home
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
