you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
this hospital has no fireball
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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