So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
