You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
