i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
