Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
