I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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