through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
