We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
