The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she peed on how many people?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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