the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
