She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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