I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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