Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
