why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
