Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
