so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize