yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
