Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
