hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He kissed a someone with a penis
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
