There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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