at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
