Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
