My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
sarcasm needs its own font
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I got inside last night via doggy door
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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