I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
where am i from again
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize