I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
