i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
