I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
