and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
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