they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He did a backflip because drugs
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