You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
