I smell stomach acid.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
