We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
