they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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