dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
im six kinds of drunk right now
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
