I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
