I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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