Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
