Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
