Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
