she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize