I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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