is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
