mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
