I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
