Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i dont even know how to be here
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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