The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
